God has been guiding me into a much deeper place in Him.
Even as I type this I am having trouble expressing what I mean by that. I tend to get right to the point in whatever I write, but am trying to give more than “just the facts, ma’am”. So I hope you can bear with me on this excursion into a more meaningful discourse. I hope I don’t bore you!
For most of my life I have tried to research things before I make a decision on it. At that point I would be like a man whose feet are in hardened concrete, no swaying, no turning, no straying from that belief. I guess in some instances this is the right way to think of things. Do research, come to a conclusion, live by that decision. However, in some areas, this is a very narrow way of being. God has shown me this just recently. It is causing me to question myself.
What I am NOT saying is to have a feeling and go with it without researching if those feelings are valid or not. I know people can’t help how they feel, but if you base your belief system on feelings instead of facts, that will lead you down a very wicked and illogical path.
However, basing your actions only on the cold hard facts leads you into a rigid, unfeeling life. And this is exactly where God has been leading me lately. Facing the other side of belief.
It started a couple of weeks ago when I was praying for my lovely wife. She was going through a tough time in her faith, due to our having less funds because I have been working in the construction field and have taken a large pay cut. That and the fact that bad weather means I don’t work, has really taken a toll on our finances. I am also looking for a job that will get us into a better financial place. What intrigued me about her is the fact that God has come through financially in miraculous ways for us this year, so I prayed for her, that God would come through again.
Then God said, “Do you want me to come through for her faith of yours?” It was a hard question for me to face. Facts state that He is a good father because His past actions showed Him faithful. Yet, when He asked me I felt a tinge of a lack of faith. I have been faced with many more of these questions for the last few weeks. It seems I have discovered a coin CAN and DOES have two sides.
I am faced with a new life now. One that is going to be much more intriguing. One of questions instead of facts. Questions like:
Do I really believe this?
Why do I believe this?
Why do I do this?
What could be the outcome for others?
Do I pray this to manipulate God?
Do I pray this to manipulate others?
Am I a good man, father, friend?
Where do I go from here? Do I remain the same? Will I be able to change? Am I capable of changing? These are the questions I have been asking of late. All because God asked me what my motives were when I prayed for someone else! ?