I Have Been Downsized

Well, the not for profit I worked for had to make some drastic decisions starting this past Thursday. My position was one of the casualties of the economy. I will be starting another blog detailing the emotions, job search methods, ups and downs of someone that has NOT been unemployed in over 30 years except for 1 week I took between jobs some 19 years ago. I feel that God has allowed this as my time there was up to him. I am thankful that this information came after the holidays, which, I am sure was something they thought about, so kudos’ for that to my former employer.
It is interesting that I have recently been reading “No Compromise, the Life Story of Keith Green”. I have found that I have gone through some of the exercises in discipline that he did. I have found that I have started asking myself if I am right with God in many areas of my life. I find in most cases I am sorely lacking in my walk, but am giving more of myself to God my loving Father.
I was told last Wednesday that there would be a mandatory meeting the next day. Immediately, I felt the Lord was telling me I would no longer have my job the next day. Not knowing if it was me thinking this or not, I tried to dismiss the thought. I asked my manager, if he knew what it was about, he explained only a little that it would be about the financial picture. Then on Thursday morning as I was driving, I felt God wanted to be alone with me, so I turned off the radio that I am normally listening to, and confessed how I seem to always fail in my walk. I did not feel Father talking, just silence for a while. When I got about 3 miles away, I felt as if Father was asking me if I would be willing to give him my wife and children. I have been thinking on this since reading where Keith Green had dealt with the same issues. I gave my family to Him. Then I felt him asking me “What about YOU, will you give me yourself? What about your job?” These seem to be the core, the very depths of my heart.
I am like most men. Having a good paying job defines. Being able to feel as though I am supporting my family is important to me. So this was difficult. But, He is in control. I feel that father allowed me to have this job/ministry so, really it is up to him if my time there had to come to an end. So again, I gave Him my job.
That afternoon He took it away. It was difficult to hear, and I tried to take the news gracefully. I hope that I did.
My wife had called me in the afternoon, I had told her about my feelings the night before, it was after the meeting, there was no mention of positions ending, however there was mention of changes that would be explained later that day and on Friday, we were asked to keep it confidential until after everyone had been through the meetings. She asked me how the meeting went, I told her I was not sure if I would have a job, she asked more questions, but I told her I could not say anything at that time. Then @ 4:25 I got a call to go to talk to my director. We had a short prayer, then I was told the position would be eliminated. I felt dazed although I was expecting it. Thoughts of how I would be able keep my family housed and fed naturally went through my mind. It was a tough moment. I am sure it was not easy for them to give me the news.
I have been praying for some time that God would allow me to gain a position that would pay enough for my wife to be able to come home, but I felt it was wrong for me to look until I felt God gave me a green light to do so. Well, I guess you can’t get greener than this.
God has shown Himself faithful this year in some pretty profound ways, so those things helped build my faith. I also can call my manager a real friend who has helped me spiritually, so I am not walking away with nothing. I have grown, although there are areas that still need to be addressed. Sometimes I come across awkwardly with what I say. I think it is because I know what I am thinking and do not convey everything when I communicate. Sometimes I forget things mid sentence. I don’t know why this happens, but it is something that I have dealt with for most of my life, well as long as I can remember anyway. My manager helped identify this for me. So I am definitely a work in progress in that area! I had a few final things to do before shutting the computer down the last time. Before I left for the final time he and I prayed which we had done often before.
That being said, again, God has shown himself faithful to not only me, but my family. When I finally got home, I had my wife and family pictures in my hand, and showed them to her. It took a second for it to register, but she followed me into our room. The kids had friends over so I did not want to burden them just yet. I let her know that everything would be alright. So that calmed her fears and she agreed and reminded me of my prayers for something that would allow her to come home. We prayed together.
I decided that I would make my job to find a job, or to go back to college, so my normal Monday thru Friday routine will be to research my options regarding returning to school for either a college degree, or specialized training in a certain career at the Tech College. All options are open, I have asked some close friends to pray that God will clearly instruct me what He wants me to do. If you feel like praying in that direction I would appreciate your prayers as well.
So, I enter into a new journey totally dependent of my Father. He loves me, this I well know! I will link to the new blog when I start it. I will let you know about the process that I go through to secure employment, or education, what I find out about health care, what I find out about our mortgage, how we will afford the necessities of living. Basically the ins and outs of being unemployed. I am new at it, so, if any of you have any suggestions I am open to them, as I know there are going to be things that I might not have thought about.
I will say this, there is not much out there in regards to what you should do, but there is a lot of clich├ęd articles, with, “When one door shuts, another opens” or “It is normal to feel depressed, but in the case of down sizing, it is important to know it is not your fault.” Although well meaning, these things do not give any advice about contacting a mortgage company, or a credit card company, or the electric company, or perhaps a food pantry, or contacting the school for free lunch, things that will help reduce costs. I have paid a lot of taxes in my years of working, so at this point I don’t mind getting some help in this new reality, as I have helped others for most of my life, not just through taxes, but personally giving food to needy families, supporting a missionary personally with a monthly contribution God giving the increase in able to do so. You can read about it in Times Prayers Were Answered Instantly Or At Least Quickly.
I pray God’s blessings on each of you!